We Hate Kristen Stewart

Hello party people, the Tatester is back at it. This is a special post, we are going to be doing a collaboration with my good friend Braden. Go check out his blog "Where They are Now".  

Well hello to my subscribers as Tate just said we are coming together to make a special post for you this week. This week we shall be discussing a brief history of Kristen Stewart and how she kinks our hoses.

Kristen was born in 1990 to a rich Los Angeles family. Through her younger years she was in minor films and projects. Most notably as Jodie Foster's daughter in Panic Room. But her first major role as a protagonist wouldn't come until the Twilight Saga.Her full legal name is Kristen Jaymes Stewart. This also aggravates me she can not even spell her own middle name like a normal person. She has to throw in all these funky trash letters like Y. Who the heck uses the letter Y? It is is not a vowel all the time just the times it feels like being one. Make up your  mind Y you're either a constant or a vowel, not both! In the Twilight Saga she played Bella Swan. A young madam and happens to fall in love with fellow school mate Edward Cullen. Later in the film she discovers her true love is straight out of Bram Strokers Dracula! During the film she is pulled back a forth between another love Jacob Black the Werewolf! The Werewolf and Vampires are sworn enemies so Edward and Jacob fight for Bella's love. In the end she gets impregnated by Edward and they have a half breed baby vampire. Bella is also turned into a vampire a she embraced the culture.I can not believe she got into the acting career especially as a main character. Her role in Twilight was atrocious. She played that role with no emotion and made me want to throw up. Then they went and made four more movies; I have no idea why. I did not enjoy the movies to start with and her role just made it ten times worse. In this role she hardly ever shows any emotion, and just does not play the role very well. Seth Rogen could play the role of Bella better. Nowadays Kristen enjoys spending time with her three dogs and her cat. She also has a girlfriend. She doesn't do much on the film side anymore since 2012 when her last major films were released. Kristen still keeps in touch with former co-star Robert Patterson. Why would she end on the Twilight movies? Everybody will just remember her for her horrible performance in those movies. I mean can anybody name another Kristen Stewart movie from memory. Nope, did not think so! Plus, in the movie she picked the wrong boy. I was on Team Jacob! Why would she pick the boy that abandon her. Jacob was nothing but nice to her and she just shot him down repeatedly. She really Kinks My Hose in every which way. 
We heavily criticize Miss. Stewart but we must look at her accomplishments. The Twilight Movies were very popular, we just happened to not be fans. We would like to wish her the best of luck with her career (if it ever picks up again), her relationship, and just in general. Thank you! 

Tate
Braden
Both
                                                

How to Kink My Hose

Hello my loyal fans. This month's blog could be one of the most important pieces you will ever read on my blog. This blog is about how to not kink my hose. Before your mind goes to the gutter, this blog will state things that aggravate me the most, and how to not know annoy and aggravate me. This will be a how to on annoying me.

       One of the best ways to kink my hose is to chew very loudly. This is step one in making me mad, it is just one sure fire way to just make me want to punch you in the face. Step two of this process is to be to close to me. Having no personal space is one of the most annoying things to me. Whether it be standing to close to me or sitting bumped up against my leg and giving me no room to operate. Step 3 is one particular to playing a popular video game called Madden NFL football. When playing the game and when you got them on fourth down and they line up to kick a field goal but they call a fake kick and you have nobody back to defend it so they get a first down. that just pushes my buttons and actually have punched a friend of mine in the arm for that. Step four is to borrow my things with out asking. I am a nice guy and will probably let you borrow almost anything you ask to borrow unless i am using it. But when people just take it without asking and hope to return it before i notice just wind me up tighter than a fifty pound catfish on a fishing line. Because i will notice that it is gone. Step five is to play music that does not fit the situation. For example, when you are working out in the weight room and somebody turns on the radio or plugs in some music that just kills your vibe. When working out you should play pump up music and stuff that gets you going; but when somebody comes and plays romantic country music that is slow, that just completely kills your mojo. Another example of this is when you are studying or taking a test and generally just trying to focus and concentrate and some jokster comes and play death metal or screaming music, you lose all train of thought.
   
     So in summary if you want to get under my skin and probably lose a fight all you have to do are these steps. You just have to be chewing very loudly, while sitting right next to me, while running a fake field goal, and borrow my phone without asking, to play some Beethoven or some music that is not fitting to Madden. That will really KINK MY HOSE.